Why Straight Men Love Katy Perry

I’ve watched several movies lately and have noticed that, among those targeted to a certain male demographic, many feature Katy Perry songs.

Okay maybe it was just The Interview and Horrible Bosses 2, but KP’s songs aren’t just played during opening credits or during transition scenes. They’re woven into the screenplay. She’s dialogue for the characters.

The Hub About KP

Since she’s pretty and has a nice body most straight men are going to notice Katy Perry, but I believe her likability goes beyond physical features. 

Here are six reasons why I think straight men love Katy Perry.

1. She’s one of the boys.  

She wants to see your peacock, builds forts out of sheets, belches the alphabet and would bring big balloons to your birthday party. She seems like a riot to have around.

2. She’s not gay, but she kissed a girl.   

It’s as shallow as basing your opinion on the size of her breasts, but many straight men love Katy Perry because of the trite two girl fantasy she openly admits to being curious about.

3. She’s a California gurl.

The Beach Boys are right. There’s something about California girls. They melt popsicles with their sun-kissed skin and lie under palm trees sipping gin and juice. Who doesn’t want to freak in KP’s Jeep with Snoop Doggy Dogg on the stereo?

4. She’s a firework.

She’s a dark horse who’s got the eye of the tiger and will call you out for a small penis. She’ll also tell you to suck it up when you’re broke and hung over in Vegas and then recommend you grow a pair and pick hot or cold.

5. She’s a teenage dream.

She’ll let you put your hands on her in skin-tight jeans and make out with you in your Mustang to Radiohead. She’ll make you go aah, aah, aah, and you’ll hear her roar. Plus, she’s open to sexual encounters with aliens. Sex and Sci-Fi is enough to give most straight men that hummingbird heartbeat.

6. She’s not like the movies.

In another life the one that got away would not have been such a dick, and Katy Perry would not have been treated like a plastic bag. 

Instead of whining publicly like T-Swift, KP buried herself deep where no one could hear her scream, but then after the hurricane came the rainbow and her likability among men soared.

First, the change in relationship status rekindled the hope that they'll beat the billion to none odds and get lucky with KP one random, crazy, blacked out blur of a Friday night.

Second, how KP and the waste of space’s relationship ended sparked the protector instinct. Men already like Katy Perry because she’s fun; flirty; sassy; well endowed; sings catchy songs about sex; and is brighter than the moon, moon, moon. Now, men have a chivalrous reason to kick a douche bag, British guy’s ass and then watch him circle the drain.