Fear is a powerful thing. It can control every aspect of our
lives and guide our decisions in matters of finance, health, relationships, and
career. If left unchecked fear can reign like a mob boss, leaving a trail of
dead bodies as it rises to power in an internal turf war.
The 1991 comedy “Defending Your Life,” starring Albert Brooks
and Meryl Streep, is a movie about the importance of overcoming your fears. An
IMDb synopsis of the flick goes like this, “In an afterlife resembling
the present-day US, people must prove their worth by showing in court how they
have demonstrated courage.”
In the movie, Daniel Miller (Albert
Brooks) dies in a car accident and goes to Judgment City where he must prove he
overcame his fears and is ready to move on in the universe. The “lawyers” single out key events in
Daniel’s life to either prove or disprove his ability to overcome fear. If
Daniel fails, he will be sent back to earth to try again, which is fine except
he’s fallen in love with Julia (Meryl Streep), a woman who is clearly
progressing.
The movie doesn’t necessarily focus on
everyday, random fears like the kind you have when you’ve stopped for gas in a
bad neighborhood. Instead it focuses on major life events where Daniel let fear
guide his decisions.
“Defending Your Life” is one of my
all-time favorite movies because of the smart writing, the funny dialogue, the
talented actors, and the priceless life lesson it teaches.
Something about the idea of the movie has
stuck with me over the years, and I try to live my life conscious of “Defending
Your Life” moments.
Over the past five years I’ve been
faced with three situations that I’d consider “Defending Your Life” moments.
One was financial, one was personal, and the third was career-related. All three
involved major decisions about my life. I know they were major
decisions because I was damn afraid to make them.
I pushed through the fear though and
made each decision with Daniel Miller in mind, and I have to say, every decision
I’ve made that was free of fear has turned out for the best.
Then, just a few weeks ago, I experienced
another “Defending Your Life” moment. As the opportunity was presenting itself,
I knew it was one of the scenes from my life that would later be examined if ever I found myself in Judgment City. I know because I
was instantly struck with fear at the thought of seizing an opportunity.
What if I choose poorly? What if I can’t
do it? What if I make the wrong decision? What if I fail?
I’ve been in this place before, plagued
by fear-filled questions about the unknown consequences of my decisions. I have to remind myself that there’s nothing to be afraid of if only I remember to take five
little steps to help me shuck away my fear like an oyster shell on a warm June
day at Hog Island.
5 Steps To Fear-Free Decision Making
I’m no expert, but I think the first
step to shucking fear is admitting you’ll never have a fear-free life.
Step 1: Recognize Fear
Fear exists. Fear is natural. Fear can
save your life. There are some positives to fear, no doubt, but as with everything,
fear is best in moderation. Too much fear can cause stress, rash
decision-making, and missed opportunities. To keep fear from making your decisions, it’s important to pinpoint the source of the fear.
Being honest about your feelings is
critical for pinpointing the source of your fear. If you’re afraid of, say,
financial repercussions of a decision, validating that fear can help put it
into perspective without allowing it to cloud your judgment entirely.
By removing your opponent’s anonymity you can
weaken their attack.
Step 2: Think Logically
Sometimes fear can be a gift, but
mostly fear is an irrational emotion. I’m no scientist, but I’ve found when I’m
struck with fear my thoughts jump around, visualizing the situation from all
sorts of angles, and sifting through the jumbled confusion is about as easy as
untangling a knotted yarn ball.
In “Defending Your Life” moments, it’s
easy to lose track of your starting point. To avoid getting ahead of yourself
too quickly, try starting with where you are in the present.
Ask yourself, “What would happen if I
did nothing?” Would I be happy? Would I regret the decisions I’ve made so far?
If you start with tough question and
answer them honestly, you’ll be better equipped to make life-altering
decisions.
Once you’ve thought about the present
in a logical manner, then you can start weighing the pros and cons of a
decision.
Step 3: Think Short and Long-Term
Knee-jerk reactions, though exciting,
can turn out bad. When it comes to “Defending Your Life” moments, think
long-term instead.
Start with a year out and then move to
three and five years out. Once you’ve considered all aspects of the opportunity
on the shorter term then look at twenty years out. Although we live life in the
short-term, there’s no denying the benefits of thinking long-term.
Step 4: Talk It Out
When you’re faced with “Defending Your
Life” moments, it helps to talk to people whose opinions you trust. Others are
not nearly as afraid of the repercussions of your decisions and may offer you another
view on the matter.
When talking it out, try to avoid those
who encourage fear. You know who they are, the negative Nancys in everyone’s
life. All fear needs to turn the tables on you is support. Don’t allow fear to
congregate with others.
Step 5: Go With Your Gut
Once you have labeled fear
appropriately, thought logically through the long-term and talked it out with
your personal opinion leaders there’s nothing left to do but make the decision.
Don’t second-guess yourself.
Big decisions are scary. You can make a
wrong move and wind up flat on your face, broke, and humiliated but down deep,
if you remove the fear and go with your gut, you’ll make the right decision every time.
