Sookie Stackhouse Is a Dumb Ass

I like watching HBO’s True Blood on Sunday nights. The over-the-top nature of the show is right up my alley but, as much as this might offend some people, I think Sookie Stackhouse is a dumb ass.

I’ve thought about this in great length and have had open discussions around the Yellow House. Every other character on the show is fine. Some I like better than others, but every time Sookie talks it irritates me and leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Here are five reasons why I think Sookie sucks.

1.  She doesn’t tell people where she’s going.

There are numerous examples of when Sookie has ventured out alone unbeknownst to anyone else. One of the most recent was after the mass slaughter at Bellefleur’s Bar and Grill, formerly Merlotte’s. Sookie takes off down a dark, sketchy, overgrown path through the middle of the woods in a huff and doesn’t tell anyone she’s leaving. 

Of course Alcide, her werewolf boyfriend, calls her in a panic. When Sookie gets the call she stares at the phone, obviously trying to decide whether or not to take the call, and lets it ring three or four times. The volume of her ringer is so loud that any Hep-V vamp within a two-mile radius could hear it. 

The cherry on the cake is that instead of silencing her phone or answering it to let him know where she is, she throws it into the woods and then trips over a dead body. 

 

2.     She tried to give away her light.

The fact that she tried to shoot all her powers out of her palms is further proof that Sookie Stackhouse is a dumb ass.

For whatever reason, all these things are attracted to or obsessed with or want to eat her, so she decides the best way to protect herself is to throw away the one weapon she has against them. Uh-huh. Good thinking.

To be fair, she finally snapped out of it and stopped doing that, but the damage was done. She only has a limited amount of light, and she blew a big chunk of her load throwing a tantrum.

3.     Her plans are cockamamie.

Evidence of the jack-assery behind Sookie’s thinking can be found in every season of True Blood.

Her most recent scheme was to offer herself up as bait for the Hep-V vamps so they would take her back to their secret lair. Then Bill Compton, the only person who knows about this plan, and Alcide could track her scent and lead them to the rabid vampires who have captured Bon Temp residents Holly, Arlene, and whatever Sam’s new girlfriend’s name is, who also happens to be preggers.

To execute her plan, Sookie sits in the woods on a patch of grass and has Bill hide in a tree. 

  

Now, Sookie’s idea in itself is not that bad. It could work if Sookie wasn’t such a dumb ass.

For starters, Bill is the only one who knows about this plan. Sookie makes it clear that she wants her “scent” covered up so Alcide can’t track them. So the part of the plan that requires tracking her after she’s been captured is immediately crippled by her decision to hide her plan from one of a handful of people who can actually track her.

Also, she doesn’t consider that the Hep-V vamps could just eat her right there and not take her back to their lair. She’s supposed to smell like gummy bears or something, and they’re starving and facing almost certain death. After all, Jessica couldn’t stop herself from killing Andy’s daughters. Only a dumb ass would think that the Hep-V vamps would practice restraint with fairy blood.

If all this weren’t proof enough, add in that she completely overlooks the fact that there would be a good chance that Bill would get taken out somehow. 

Surely the Hep-V vamps would know Bill was there. I mean, he was close enough to have a conversation with her and see down her shirt. They would be able to sense his presence, and judging from the slaughter at Bellefleur’s, Sookie should have known that if they did find her, Bill would be outnumbered. 

So, of course, what happens when the Hep-V vamps show up because she cut her arm to hurry up the process? Bill gets overtaken because they had silver and were, surprise, prepared to fight other vampires.

Had the cavalry not miraculously shown up, Sookie would be right where the others are, dead or chained up in the basement of Fangtasia. Unfortunately help did show up, and in the rescue, Alcide got killed by an unrelated sniper in the woods.

That’s okay though because Sookie had just confessed to Bill that she was troubled with her relationship because she didn’t love Alcide as much as he loved her.  Now with Alcide out of the way, Sookie will be able to carry on with Bill without an overheated werewolf snipping at her heels.

4.     She thinks it’s all about her.

I know she’s the main character in the books the True Blood series is based on, but Sookie is downright selfish.

Sookie’s big reason for offering herself up as bait was because she didn’t want anyone to die because of her. Well, outside of Alcide, nobody is dying because of Sookie. They’re dying because the now dead, hate-mongering governor guy tried to exterminate vampires by putting a disease in True Blood. Sookie should know that.

If she were on a crusade to right a wrong she would need and want help, like the Cullens or even Harry Potter after he gets done with his weak protests about not wanting people to get hurt, but Sookie isn’t about righting injustices against mystical creatures. She’s about righting wrongs done to her.

Furthermore, she never thinks about her brother, Jason. How many messages has he left her? How many times has his life been in danger? Whenever the shit hits the fan, he’s always trying to call and find out where she is so he can try to rescue her. She can’t send him a text to let him know that she’s alive and to check to see if he’s alive?

This type of self-absorbed thinking is just another reason I can’t stand Sookie Stackhouse.

 

5.     She’s a drama queen.

The reason Sookie thinks it’s all about her is because she’s a drama queen and gets wrapped up in her own shit. When things get too boring or stagnant, she creates her own drama and then plays the victim. 

I’ve got no sympathy for drama queens.

I’m not bothered by the fact that Sookie sleeps with anything that has magical powers. Now, she didn’t sleep with Sam, but she tried to. She turned to him when she had no one, and had he not turned her down, she would have slept with him, too. 

Sleeping around is fine. What bothers me is she confuses sex for love. I mean, she was going to marry Warlow after, what, two dates? I’m surprised she’s not a lesbian with how quickly she gets into serious relationships.

Sookie’s Biggest Problem

Sookie uses people to feel less lonely because deep down she's uncomfortable with herself.

She always has to have a love interest cooking to verify that she’s desirable and worthy of love. The drama and attention from others makes her feel more alive because it distracts from much larger issues of self image and worth, but that doesn’t make her a dumb ass. That just makes her like a lot of other people in this world, and that's sad.