Defending Your Life Moments: 5 Steps To Fear-Free Decision-Making

Fear is a powerful thing. It can control every aspect of our lives and guide our decisions in matters of finance, health, relationships, and career. If left unchecked fear can reign like a mob boss, leaving a trail of dead bodies as it rises to power in an internal turf war.

The 1991 comedy “Defending Your Life,” starring Albert Brooks and Meryl Streep, is a movie about the importance of overcoming your fears. An IMDb synopsis of the flick goes like this, “In an afterlife resembling the present-day US, people must prove their worth by showing in court how they have demonstrated courage.”

In the movie, Daniel Miller (Albert Brooks) dies in a car accident and goes to Judgment City where he must prove he overcame his fears and is ready to move on in the universe.  The “lawyers” single out key events in Daniel’s life to either prove or disprove his ability to overcome fear. If Daniel fails, he will be sent back to earth to try again, which is fine except he’s fallen in love with Julia (Meryl Streep), a woman who is clearly progressing.

The movie doesn’t necessarily focus on everyday, random fears like the kind you have when you’ve stopped for gas in a bad neighborhood. Instead it focuses on major life events where Daniel let fear guide his decisions.

“Defending Your Life” is one of my all-time favorite movies because of the smart writing, the funny dialogue, the talented actors, and the priceless life lesson it teaches.

Something about the idea of the movie has stuck with me over the years, and I try to live my life conscious of “Defending Your Life” moments.

Over the past five years I’ve been faced with three situations that I’d consider “Defending Your Life” moments. One was financial, one was personal, and the third was career-related. All three involved major decisions about my life. I know they were major decisions because I was damn afraid to make them.

I pushed through the fear though and made each decision with Daniel Miller in mind, and I have to say, every decision I’ve made that was free of fear has turned out for the best.

Then, just a few weeks ago, I experienced another “Defending Your Life” moment. As the opportunity was presenting itself, I knew it was one of the scenes from my life that would later be examined if ever I found myself in Judgment City.  I know because I was instantly struck with fear at the thought of seizing an opportunity.

What if I choose poorly? What if I can’t do it? What if I make the wrong decision? What if I fail?

I’ve been in this place before, plagued by fear-filled questions about the unknown consequences of my decisions. I have to remind myself that there’s nothing to be afraid of if only I remember to take five little steps to help me shuck away my fear like an oyster shell on a warm June day at Hog Island.

5 Steps To Fear-Free Decision Making

I’m no expert, but I think the first step to shucking fear is admitting you’ll never have a fear-free life. 

Step 1: Recognize Fear

Fear exists. Fear is natural. Fear can save your life. There are some positives to fear, no doubt, but as with everything, fear is best in moderation. Too much fear can cause stress, rash decision-making, and missed opportunities. To keep fear from making your decisions, it’s important to pinpoint the source of the fear.

Being honest about your feelings is critical for pinpointing the source of your fear. If you’re afraid of, say, financial repercussions of a decision, validating that fear can help put it into perspective without allowing it to cloud your judgment entirely.

By removing your opponent’s anonymity you can weaken their attack.

Step 2: Think Logically

Sometimes fear can be a gift, but mostly fear is an irrational emotion. I’m no scientist, but I’ve found when I’m struck with fear my thoughts jump around, visualizing the situation from all sorts of angles, and sifting through the jumbled confusion is about as easy as untangling a knotted yarn ball.

In “Defending Your Life” moments, it’s easy to lose track of your starting point. To avoid getting ahead of yourself too quickly, try starting with where you are in the present.

Ask yourself, “What would happen if I did nothing?” Would I be happy? Would I regret the decisions I’ve made so far?

If you start with tough question and answer them honestly, you’ll be better equipped to make life-altering decisions.

Once you’ve thought about the present in a logical manner, then you can start weighing the pros and cons of a decision.

Step 3: Think Short and Long-Term

Knee-jerk reactions, though exciting, can turn out bad. When it comes to “Defending Your Life” moments, think long-term instead.

Start with a year out and then move to three and five years out. Once you’ve considered all aspects of the opportunity on the shorter term then look at twenty years out. Although we live life in the short-term, there’s no denying the benefits of thinking long-term.

Step 4: Talk It Out

When you’re faced with “Defending Your Life” moments, it helps to talk to people whose opinions you trust. Others are not nearly as afraid of the repercussions of your decisions and may offer you another view on the matter.

When talking it out, try to avoid those who encourage fear. You know who they are, the negative Nancys in everyone’s life. All fear needs to turn the tables on you is support. Don’t allow fear to congregate with others.

Step 5: Go With Your Gut

Once you have labeled fear appropriately, thought logically through the long-term and talked it out with your personal opinion leaders there’s nothing left to do but make the decision. Don’t second-guess yourself.

Big decisions are scary. You can make a wrong move and wind up flat on your face, broke, and humiliated but down deep, if you remove the fear and go with your gut, you’ll make the right decision every time.