Defending Your Life Moments: 5 Steps To Fear-Free Decision-Making

Fear is a powerful thing. It can control every aspect of our lives and guide our decisions in matters of finance, health, relationships, and career. If left unchecked fear can reign like a mob boss, leaving a trail of dead bodies as it rises to power in an internal turf war.

The 1991 comedy “Defending Your Life,” starring Albert Brooks and Meryl Streep, is a movie about the importance of overcoming your fears. An IMDb synopsis of the flick goes like this, “In an afterlife resembling the present-day US, people must prove their worth by showing in court how they have demonstrated courage.”

In the movie, Daniel Miller (Albert Brooks) dies in a car accident and goes to Judgment City where he must prove he overcame his fears and is ready to move on in the universe.  The “lawyers” single out key events in Daniel’s life to either prove or disprove his ability to overcome fear. If Daniel fails, he will be sent back to earth to try again, which is fine except he’s fallen in love with Julia (Meryl Streep), a woman who is clearly progressing.

The movie doesn’t necessarily focus on everyday, random fears like the kind you have when you’ve stopped for gas in a bad neighborhood. Instead it focuses on major life events where Daniel let fear guide his decisions.

“Defending Your Life” is one of my all-time favorite movies because of the smart writing, the funny dialogue, the talented actors, and the priceless life lesson it teaches.

Something about the idea of the movie has stuck with me over the years, and I try to live my life conscious of “Defending Your Life” moments.

Over the past five years I’ve been faced with three situations that I’d consider “Defending Your Life” moments. One was financial, one was personal, and the third was career-related. All three involved major decisions about my life. I know they were major decisions because I was damn afraid to make them.

I pushed through the fear though and made each decision with Daniel Miller in mind, and I have to say, every decision I’ve made that was free of fear has turned out for the best.

Then, just a few weeks ago, I experienced another “Defending Your Life” moment. As the opportunity was presenting itself, I knew it was one of the scenes from my life that would later be examined if ever I found myself in Judgment City.  I know because I was instantly struck with fear at the thought of seizing an opportunity.

What if I choose poorly? What if I can’t do it? What if I make the wrong decision? What if I fail?

I’ve been in this place before, plagued by fear-filled questions about the unknown consequences of my decisions. I have to remind myself that there’s nothing to be afraid of if only I remember to take five little steps to help me shuck away my fear like an oyster shell on a warm June day at Hog Island.

5 Steps To Fear-Free Decision Making

I’m no expert, but I think the first step to shucking fear is admitting you’ll never have a fear-free life. 

Step 1: Recognize Fear

Fear exists. Fear is natural. Fear can save your life. There are some positives to fear, no doubt, but as with everything, fear is best in moderation. Too much fear can cause stress, rash decision-making, and missed opportunities. To keep fear from making your decisions, it’s important to pinpoint the source of the fear.

Being honest about your feelings is critical for pinpointing the source of your fear. If you’re afraid of, say, financial repercussions of a decision, validating that fear can help put it into perspective without allowing it to cloud your judgment entirely.

By removing your opponent’s anonymity you can weaken their attack.

Step 2: Think Logically

Sometimes fear can be a gift, but mostly fear is an irrational emotion. I’m no scientist, but I’ve found when I’m struck with fear my thoughts jump around, visualizing the situation from all sorts of angles, and sifting through the jumbled confusion is about as easy as untangling a knotted yarn ball.

In “Defending Your Life” moments, it’s easy to lose track of your starting point. To avoid getting ahead of yourself too quickly, try starting with where you are in the present.

Ask yourself, “What would happen if I did nothing?” Would I be happy? Would I regret the decisions I’ve made so far?

If you start with tough question and answer them honestly, you’ll be better equipped to make life-altering decisions.

Once you’ve thought about the present in a logical manner, then you can start weighing the pros and cons of a decision.

Step 3: Think Short and Long-Term

Knee-jerk reactions, though exciting, can turn out bad. When it comes to “Defending Your Life” moments, think long-term instead.

Start with a year out and then move to three and five years out. Once you’ve considered all aspects of the opportunity on the shorter term then look at twenty years out. Although we live life in the short-term, there’s no denying the benefits of thinking long-term.

Step 4: Talk It Out

When you’re faced with “Defending Your Life” moments, it helps to talk to people whose opinions you trust. Others are not nearly as afraid of the repercussions of your decisions and may offer you another view on the matter.

When talking it out, try to avoid those who encourage fear. You know who they are, the negative Nancys in everyone’s life. All fear needs to turn the tables on you is support. Don’t allow fear to congregate with others.

Step 5: Go With Your Gut

Once you have labeled fear appropriately, thought logically through the long-term and talked it out with your personal opinion leaders there’s nothing left to do but make the decision. Don’t second-guess yourself.

Big decisions are scary. You can make a wrong move and wind up flat on your face, broke, and humiliated but down deep, if you remove the fear and go with your gut, you’ll make the right decision every time.

Got Stress?

The past two years have been hard for me. I ended a relationship, moved, and changed jobs. I lost my dad, old friends and colleagues, and now my house got flooded and my car is totaled. Despite being released from my day job duties and free for the summer, I still feel an enormous amount of stress in my life.

Stress is a funny thing. Sometimes it comes at you like a Mack truck and the only thing you've got to stop it from plowing you down is a piece of gauze.

Other times stress is more subtle, like a thumb pinning you down while the glue slowly dries.

Sometimes you get hit by a Mack truck and pinned down at the same time. Those are really special moments.

Personally, I prefer the Mack truck over waiting for the glue to dry. If you're hit by a Mack truck you can easily identify the source of your pain and anxiety, which is the first step to working through it.

When you're pinned down it's harder to pinpoint the source of your discomfort. You just feel a weight around your chest squeezing the air from your lungs. Every breath you take inches you closer to a full-blown panic attack.

Stress is a killer. It kills our mood. It kills our bodies. It kills our careers and relationships. You'd think with all the killing authorities could put a stop to stress. Alas stress is one of those silent, hard-to-catch killers. Sneaky as all get out. Strikes year round all over the world. There's no discrimination as far as victims go, no pattern to the crimes.

Chances are you'll be struck by stress at some point in your life. The odds are forever in your favor, but there are ways to protect yourself from stress.

I'm no doctor, though I've seen them played on TV, but I am a survivor of stress. Here are six tips for battling stress that have proven effective for me.

1. Go for a walk.

Exercise is a great way to help prevent stress from building up and is essential for working through it. Exercise is a natural anti-depressant and can help you kick the blues that come along with stress. I recommend vigorous workouts like boxing or a spin class, but you can lift weights, jog, take yoga/pilates type classes, or even just go for a walk around your neighborhood. The point is, when you're stressed get physical to help your body fight off illness and work out tension.

2. Eat something healthy.

Chances are when you're stressed you're not eating properly. Stress affects our appetite in several ways. Sometimes it kills but other times it only kidnaps, and we find it later in a bag of Funyons or at the drive-thru window of Taco Bell. To help avoid and overcome stress eat "good for you" foods that help boost your immune system and eat them on a regular basis.

3. Have a drink.

If you are binge drinking to deal with stress, ignore this tip and skip to tip 4.

If you are not drinking in excess, then pour yourself a night cap, glass of water or juice, or cup of coffee and drink it slowly. You'll find the sensation is calming and can help ward off panic.

4. Stop drinking.

If you are drinking in excess, stop drinking immediately. Alcohol is a depressant and can make the effects of stress worse. Dry out and you'll find that the stress might not go away, but it will be easier to fight when you're sober.

5. Talk it out and then move on.

If you're a victim of stress you will likely fall into one of two categories: those who don't want to tell anyone about it and those who want to tell everyone about it.

Stress is at its most vicious when victims keep it to themselves because it builds up and starts eating away at our insides. Got a good friend who listens and gives good advice? Seek immediate care with those individuals. Maybe have a drink about it.

On the other hand resist the urge to tell every bank teller, phone operator, and car mechanic all the ins and outs of your woes. Over-sharing with strangers can allow stress to fester. It can also create more stress in the stranger's life, which is always bad juju.

We need to talk about what's bothering us when we're stressed. It's a good opportunity to get advice and it gets some of the negative energy out, but don't overdo it. A good rule of thumb is to keep it between you, a few good friends, and maybe your hair dresser.

6. Do something fun.

Whatever it is you like to do to relax and have fun, do it. Be it playing an instrument, drawing a picture, going to a movie, or working in your garden do something to rejuvenate your soul. Taking your mind of your troubles for a short time can renew your energy, making you better equipped to handle an attack from stress. 

You can't avoid stress no matter how prepared you are, but you can make dealing with the aftermath a lot easier if you remember to exercise, eat right, have a drink, talk to a friend, and do something fun. Do these basic things and you'll no longer be a victim of stress, you'll be a survivor.

Why deadlines get my creative juices flowing

I have a love/hate relationship with deadlines. I can't stand them for things like grading, paying bills, and making connection flights, but I love them for the creative process.

When I was younger I thought the creative process didn't need deadlines, but the longer I create the more I see how immature that kind of thinking is. Deadlines are critical to taking the work to the next level.


Raw Talent Only Gets You So Far

I'm a creative person. I always have been. When other kids were watching TV, I was staging and performing plays in my garage.

I used to pretend I was a radio DJ and would "broadcast" from my bedroom. I did whole shows.

I dig drawing, though I suck at it, and photography has always been in my blood. One of my first "real" jobs was as a photographer for the City of Tulsa. I'd snap shots of maintenance crews fixing lines and repairing roads. Exciting stuff.

And, then there has always been the writing.

Writing is my true love, my mistress and wife. I'm lucky to have it. Sure we've been on again, off again but, for the most part, I've been writing creatively all my life. I started writing short stories and poems and eventually worked around to screenplays, ad copy, speeches, and novels.

It was during the ad copy years when I first experienced deadlines, and I respected them for their importance and function. Working under multiple deadlines for multiple projects helped me create stronger concepts and write quicker, tighter, more effective copy. As much as I understood this concept in my day job, I didn't make the connection to the importance of deadlines in my creative work until just a few years ago.

I'm no guru creativity master by any means, but I think creativity stems from two places: the heart and the mind.

Creativity Is Born In The Heart

Creative people have passion. When a student of mine says, "But I'm not creative," it boils my blood. You just identified yourself to me as someone who has no passion, no zest for life. Either that or you don't understand what it means to be creative.

Passion is the fuel for creativity, and you need fuel to be creative. Creating something takes energy, but how much fuel you have depends on your passion for the subject. For some things you've barely got a spark, but for others you could burn down Winterfell.

Creativity Is Shaped In The Mind

Having passion is one part of the creative process. The second part is sculpting that passion. Raw passion is beautiful, but even the wildest of flowers needs pruning to grow stronger. This is where critical thinking, decision-making, and basic mechanics come in. Without the mind, creative pursuits have a hard time developing into anything tangible.

For some people creative pursuits are just chicken soups for the soul or hobbies to pass time or to avoid interaction with family members. Other people want to push their creative projects beyond the comforts of their home and into venues where strangers can enjoy the work, as well. Whichever side of the creative coin you land on, deadlines are critical to producing creative work.

Deadlines Help You Deliver

Even if you don't want to get published, or show, or make it big with a creative pursuit in some way, you still need deadlines to feed your passion. You don't have to have tight deadlines or even hard deadlines, but you still need some kind of deadline to help you finish the piece. Otherwise months, years, or even decades could pass without you actually completing something, and it's the completion of something, the standing back and marveling at your handiwork, that is the fuel for your passion.

Hold Yourself Accountable

Developing your creativity is like exercising your body. You've got to get the heart pumping so that the mind can focus. If you don't workout consistently you get soft, winded, and when you do workout, you hurt muscles you didn't even know you had.

Those who workout consistently can push themselves harder, have more stamina and energy, and aren't nearly as sore the next day.

Setting frequent deadlines and holding yourself accountable to hit those deadlines can help you produce a volume of work, and like Ira Glass said, it's only in producing a volume of work that your work will actually improve.

Give It A Go

Try setting weekly or monthly deadlines for your creative pursuits. Start small with, say, a poem a week or whatever creative activity you enjoy doing. Do this for a month and see if the quality of your poems (or other work) improve. I bet it does.

I also bet that if you upped the ante and tried two poems a week for the next month, the work would improve even more. More than likely you'll also find the work gets easier to produce because your creative muscles are starting to get ripped.

Will every poem/script/photo/sculpture/dance/video you create be amazing works of art? No, but the chances of a few of them being amazing works of art increase when you have more finished pieces to choose from.

The Importance of Being Organized - File Labeling

Every semester I assign massive projects. From things like multiple ad portfolios to website creation and social media campaigns, I put my students through the wringer during my courses. These projects keep me on my toes at all times, but every semester I forget to include one simple instruction.

How to Label Your Files

Labeling your files in a clear manner helps you stay organized, yet every semester I get assignments sent to me with the ole standbys of "ad1.pdf" and "IMG_1119.jpg," which means I have to spend precious time relabeling the files so I can keep better track of whose work what file belongs to among the twenty or so files I received that have all been labeled in the same generic, vague manner.

Sending Files To Yourself

When I send files to myself the labeling is not as important to me because I know what they are. Still, many times I forget what I called the file and waste a lot of time searching for the document. This could be avoided if I had just label the files clearly in the first place.

Labeling files is important so you can easily access them later but only you know what works for you. The important thing is that you relabel files from "photo.jpg" and "IMG_23329" to something more descriptive.

Sending Files To Other People

When I send files to other people the labeling takes a front burner because, depending on what it is, I want the receiver to look at the file.

If I'm sending a resumé I always label the file with my name in it. Ex. MTyler-Resume

Sometimes I put the place I'm sending it to in the file extension so I can track where I've sent it. Ex. MTyler-Resume-Target

It's also a good idea to include the position you're applying for. Ex. MTyler-Resume-Target-Greeter

You don't want overly lengthy titles but you want to distinguish your resumé from all the other resumés that are more than likely labeled "resume.doc" because most people don't pay attention when labeling files.

If I'm sending work-related items I usually label according to the version of the project. Ex. Moosejuice_Mission_v1

If you are working on a project that has multiple levels of revisions it's important to label your files correctly so you can keep track of where you are in the project. Some changes are miniscule and can be overlooked if the file is not labeled properly.

The point is there's nothing wrong with having a lot of versions of file as long as you are able to keep track of the one you are currently working on.  

Time Is the New Money

Clear and organized file labeling saves time. In the future I will be more critical of the way students label their files. It's a small but important part of the communication process that is often overlooked.

Organized file labeling saves both the sender and the receiver time and for students, the more time they can save me while grading their final projects, the happier I will be while grading their final projects. It's a win-win.

My Day Job Doesn't Suck

This time of year is always a stressful time in the mayor's office. The responsibilities I have for my day job escalate to extreme overload as the clock ticks down to the end of another semester at Mooseville University, but Mooseville still has to be managed. It's my civic duty to our great town.

No matter how much I have to do by an increasingly fast-approaching deadline, I still love my day job very much. I'm surrounded by fun, engaged, interesting people who are eager to teach and learn about Mass Communications. Sure there are difficulties every semester, but I enjoy 99% of the things I have to do to earn my keep. The 1% I don't enjoy is grading, which takes up roughly 85% of my time.

Regardless, there's something about preparing for and teaching a course that I enjoy very much. I'm lucky. A lot of people don't have it so good.

A lot of people don't have a day job and many who do hate what they do for a living. They hate it so much it interferes with their nighttime vigilante work. It sucks their energy and dampers their spirits. There's nothing left to give because it took all they had just to drag their ass to work.

In social circles I'm careful not to boast too much about how great my job is, and I'm mindful about complaining about the little irritations, hiccups and annoyances that accompany working in academia. Three out of the five people in the room will have it much worse. When all's said and done, I don't have much to complain about it except that I have small social circles.

No matter what stress this time of year brings, I try to keep it all in perspective. I'm about to wind it down and then I get a break. I plan on working in my garden, grilling out, and watching MOP. I'm also writing some new legislation, and I've got some vacation time coming up. Great Mother, I love the summer.

Street Performing, A Metaphor For Life

I tried something new again this weekend, street performing. I went to the Oklahoma City Festival of the Arts and played the harmonica for the patrons. In five minutes I earned over $5. It was awesome.

As nice as the cash money was (paid for part of my over-priced dinner), the best part about street performing was the experience and the lesson I learned.

I discovered that people will stop, listen, engage, and fork over their pocket change if you're friendly and have a positive attitude. Attitude is everything, not just with street performing but in life in general.

You attract more flies with honey (not sure if this is technically true), kill 'em with kindness (not sure you can kill someone kindly), play nice (not sure if this is possible if you're playing the bad guy) - I've heard these things time again, but the truth behind the sentiments moved to my front burner this weekend. Fact: They gave more money when I smiled and asked them what they wanted to hear.

I'm gad I performed for strangers this weekend on a street corner on a beautiful Sunday afternoon. It built some character, was a fun and profitable way to pass time, and it reinforced a key principle I believe in wholeheartedly. Positive juju is a powerful thing.

Today's Agenda April 26, 2013

It's a beautiful day. The art's festival is happening in OKC, and it couldn't be better weather. I knocked out a lot of work for my day job this week so I can relax a little and focus on Mooseville and other personal projects. I have a meeting this afternoon with city council about the new gun legislation I've proposed, and I'm giving street performing a go on Sunday. It's going to be an awesome weekend.