Why Straight Men Love Katy Perry

I’ve watched several movies lately and have noticed that, among those targeted to a certain male demographic, many feature Katy Perry songs.

Okay maybe it was just The Interview and Horrible Bosses 2, but KP’s songs aren’t just played during opening credits or during transition scenes. They’re woven into the screenplay. She’s dialogue for the characters.

The Hub About KP

Since she’s pretty and has a nice body most straight men are going to notice Katy Perry, but I believe her likability goes beyond physical features. 

Here are six reasons why I think straight men love Katy Perry.

1. She’s one of the boys.  

She wants to see your peacock, builds forts out of sheets, belches the alphabet and would bring big balloons to your birthday party. She seems like a riot to have around.

2. She’s not gay, but she kissed a girl.   

It’s as shallow as basing your opinion on the size of her breasts, but many straight men love Katy Perry because of the trite two girl fantasy she openly admits to being curious about.

3. She’s a California gurl.

The Beach Boys are right. There’s something about California girls. They melt popsicles with their sun-kissed skin and lie under palm trees sipping gin and juice. Who doesn’t want to freak in KP’s Jeep with Snoop Doggy Dogg on the stereo?

4. She’s a firework.

She’s a dark horse who’s got the eye of the tiger and will call you out for a small penis. She’ll also tell you to suck it up when you’re broke and hung over in Vegas and then recommend you grow a pair and pick hot or cold.

5. She’s a teenage dream.

She’ll let you put your hands on her in skin-tight jeans and make out with you in your Mustang to Radiohead. She’ll make you go aah, aah, aah, and you’ll hear her roar. Plus, she’s open to sexual encounters with aliens. Sex and Sci-Fi is enough to give most straight men that hummingbird heartbeat.

6. She’s not like the movies.

In another life the one that got away would not have been such a dick, and Katy Perry would not have been treated like a plastic bag. 

Instead of whining publicly like T-Swift, KP buried herself deep where no one could hear her scream, but then after the hurricane came the rainbow and her likability among men soared.

First, the change in relationship status rekindled the hope that they'll beat the billion to none odds and get lucky with KP one random, crazy, blacked out blur of a Friday night.

Second, how KP and the waste of space’s relationship ended sparked the protector instinct. Men already like Katy Perry because she’s fun; flirty; sassy; well endowed; sings catchy songs about sex; and is brighter than the moon, moon, moon. Now, men have a chivalrous reason to kick a douche bag, British guy’s ass and then watch him circle the drain.

I Heart Self Checkout

A woman got upset with me today because I used self checkout with, what she viewed as, too big of a load.

"You really shouldn't use this with that much stuff," she said.

"Thank you," I said, pushing my bulging buggy up to an available kiosk to start the self checkout process.

I don't feel bad for using self checkout no matter how many items I have. Sure, I'll let someone with one or two things go in front of me if there aren't any open "stalls" because I'm not an asshole, but that wasn't the case today when I got the verbal scolding. There were plenty of lanes open, so what's it to that lady?

I have no shame about it. I love self checkout because I have OCD tendencies, and I like to organize things neatly into bags. Deal with it. I am.

Deep Thoughts: My Role As A Teacher

I believe a teacher’s role in the classroom can be explained with this short video capturing one of life’s biggest moments.
 

Supplemental Text

After years of reflection about what it is I’m supposed to be doing as a teacher, I have concluded that my role is to put students on a path, push them in the right direction, and let them figure it out on their own.

This job description might seem too simple because it can be said in one sentence. Simple doesn’t mean easy.

Weebles Wobble

As the video demonstrates, once students have been pointed in the right direction and given a nudge, the teacher must then watch as they try to figure it out. This is the most difficult, and rewarding, process for a teacher.

Watching students figure it out can be discomforting. All the wobbling makes you dizzy, but it’s important for a teacher not to hover and hold hands. Otherwise, students won’t learn.

You shouldn’t have time to hold hands anyway. As a teacher you’re too busy watching out for the real learning inhibitors. If you let one of those through, it’ll topple the whole learning process.

Frenchtons

Learning inhibitors are difficult to catch for a teacher who’s on their A-game, and they’re impossible to stop for those slacking on the job.

Contrary to student perception failure isn’t a learning inhibitor. It’s often a requirement to learning how to do something on your own.

In the video the learning inhibitor was an excitable Frenchton named Mattie Rose, but in the classroom, learning inhibitors include things like an unsafe learning environment; memorization-based rubrics; limited ideas and resources; and the mother of all learning inhibitors, student and teacher attitude and effort levels.  

Lifelong Learning

It’s not my job to spoon-feed information, and it’s certainly not my job to hand out grades. It’s my job to teach students how to think for themselves and to encourage them through all the wobbles, stutters, and setbacks to do so long after they have left my classroom.

Note: I'm not implying students are babies. The video was just a metaphor.

Another Note: The video could also be a metaphor for the positive and negative effects of technology in the classroom.

Sookie Stackhouse Is a Dumb Ass

I like watching HBO’s True Blood on Sunday nights. The over-the-top nature of the show is right up my alley but, as much as this might offend some people, I think Sookie Stackhouse is a dumb ass.

I’ve thought about this in great length and have had open discussions around the Yellow House. Every other character on the show is fine. Some I like better than others, but every time Sookie talks it irritates me and leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Here are five reasons why I think Sookie sucks.

1.  She doesn’t tell people where she’s going.

There are numerous examples of when Sookie has ventured out alone unbeknownst to anyone else. One of the most recent was after the mass slaughter at Bellefleur’s Bar and Grill, formerly Merlotte’s. Sookie takes off down a dark, sketchy, overgrown path through the middle of the woods in a huff and doesn’t tell anyone she’s leaving. 

Of course Alcide, her werewolf boyfriend, calls her in a panic. When Sookie gets the call she stares at the phone, obviously trying to decide whether or not to take the call, and lets it ring three or four times. The volume of her ringer is so loud that any Hep-V vamp within a two-mile radius could hear it. 

The cherry on the cake is that instead of silencing her phone or answering it to let him know where she is, she throws it into the woods and then trips over a dead body. 

 

2.     She tried to give away her light.

The fact that she tried to shoot all her powers out of her palms is further proof that Sookie Stackhouse is a dumb ass.

For whatever reason, all these things are attracted to or obsessed with or want to eat her, so she decides the best way to protect herself is to throw away the one weapon she has against them. Uh-huh. Good thinking.

To be fair, she finally snapped out of it and stopped doing that, but the damage was done. She only has a limited amount of light, and she blew a big chunk of her load throwing a tantrum.

3.     Her plans are cockamamie.

Evidence of the jack-assery behind Sookie’s thinking can be found in every season of True Blood.

Her most recent scheme was to offer herself up as bait for the Hep-V vamps so they would take her back to their secret lair. Then Bill Compton, the only person who knows about this plan, and Alcide could track her scent and lead them to the rabid vampires who have captured Bon Temp residents Holly, Arlene, and whatever Sam’s new girlfriend’s name is, who also happens to be preggers.

To execute her plan, Sookie sits in the woods on a patch of grass and has Bill hide in a tree. 

  

Now, Sookie’s idea in itself is not that bad. It could work if Sookie wasn’t such a dumb ass.

For starters, Bill is the only one who knows about this plan. Sookie makes it clear that she wants her “scent” covered up so Alcide can’t track them. So the part of the plan that requires tracking her after she’s been captured is immediately crippled by her decision to hide her plan from one of a handful of people who can actually track her.

Also, she doesn’t consider that the Hep-V vamps could just eat her right there and not take her back to their lair. She’s supposed to smell like gummy bears or something, and they’re starving and facing almost certain death. After all, Jessica couldn’t stop herself from killing Andy’s daughters. Only a dumb ass would think that the Hep-V vamps would practice restraint with fairy blood.

If all this weren’t proof enough, add in that she completely overlooks the fact that there would be a good chance that Bill would get taken out somehow. 

Surely the Hep-V vamps would know Bill was there. I mean, he was close enough to have a conversation with her and see down her shirt. They would be able to sense his presence, and judging from the slaughter at Bellefleur’s, Sookie should have known that if they did find her, Bill would be outnumbered. 

So, of course, what happens when the Hep-V vamps show up because she cut her arm to hurry up the process? Bill gets overtaken because they had silver and were, surprise, prepared to fight other vampires.

Had the cavalry not miraculously shown up, Sookie would be right where the others are, dead or chained up in the basement of Fangtasia. Unfortunately help did show up, and in the rescue, Alcide got killed by an unrelated sniper in the woods.

That’s okay though because Sookie had just confessed to Bill that she was troubled with her relationship because she didn’t love Alcide as much as he loved her.  Now with Alcide out of the way, Sookie will be able to carry on with Bill without an overheated werewolf snipping at her heels.

4.     She thinks it’s all about her.

I know she’s the main character in the books the True Blood series is based on, but Sookie is downright selfish.

Sookie’s big reason for offering herself up as bait was because she didn’t want anyone to die because of her. Well, outside of Alcide, nobody is dying because of Sookie. They’re dying because the now dead, hate-mongering governor guy tried to exterminate vampires by putting a disease in True Blood. Sookie should know that.

If she were on a crusade to right a wrong she would need and want help, like the Cullens or even Harry Potter after he gets done with his weak protests about not wanting people to get hurt, but Sookie isn’t about righting injustices against mystical creatures. She’s about righting wrongs done to her.

Furthermore, she never thinks about her brother, Jason. How many messages has he left her? How many times has his life been in danger? Whenever the shit hits the fan, he’s always trying to call and find out where she is so he can try to rescue her. She can’t send him a text to let him know that she’s alive and to check to see if he’s alive?

This type of self-absorbed thinking is just another reason I can’t stand Sookie Stackhouse.

 

5.     She’s a drama queen.

The reason Sookie thinks it’s all about her is because she’s a drama queen and gets wrapped up in her own shit. When things get too boring or stagnant, she creates her own drama and then plays the victim. 

I’ve got no sympathy for drama queens.

I’m not bothered by the fact that Sookie sleeps with anything that has magical powers. Now, she didn’t sleep with Sam, but she tried to. She turned to him when she had no one, and had he not turned her down, she would have slept with him, too. 

Sleeping around is fine. What bothers me is she confuses sex for love. I mean, she was going to marry Warlow after, what, two dates? I’m surprised she’s not a lesbian with how quickly she gets into serious relationships.

Sookie’s Biggest Problem

Sookie uses people to feel less lonely because deep down she's uncomfortable with herself.

She always has to have a love interest cooking to verify that she’s desirable and worthy of love. The drama and attention from others makes her feel more alive because it distracts from much larger issues of self image and worth, but that doesn’t make her a dumb ass. That just makes her like a lot of other people in this world, and that's sad.   

Epic Fail

The fear of failing is so strong in so many people that it cripples them from self-improvement. I, too, have fears of failing but I rarely shy away from going out on a limb simply because the limb might break once I get out there.

Others have to be coaxed out on the limb because they don’t want to hurt themselves. The degree of coaxing varies depending on the situation, the person, and the limb.

Some people never let go of the trunk while others only need a nudge or two to move farther out. For those who let fear of failure dominate your decisions, I have to ask: what is there to be afraid of?

I’ll get hurt physically, emotionally or financially?

That doesn’t scare me much because I’ve always thought, regardless of how successful I am just being alive brings the same possibilities.

Others will think I’m less than?

That doesn’t scare me much because I know I’m not. If anything I’m average, and that’s fine with me.

Others will laugh?

That doesn’t scare me much because I know the sting eventually goes away, and afterwards I can always say that I tried, which has been something I’ve valued since I was a kid.

Some people don’t try so that when others laugh at them they can claim the result was from a lack of effort rather than a character flaw. That “too cool for school” approach never made sense to me. Trying is far better than not trying, in my opinion, even if the result is unfavorable.

Others will think I’m dumb?

That doesn’t scare me much because I know I am, on a whole bunch of things, but someone smarter than me once wrote that knowing what you don’t know is the key to a whole life, so that’s always a pick-me-up. Plus, I feel pretty smart because I read that somewhere, once.

The Answers Are In the Question

The potential answers to these questions are what keep us from going out on a limb and giving life our best shot, which often creates the outcomes we were afraid would happen in the first place.

For those who want to conquer your fears but have no idea how to start, know there are many lessons we can learn when we fail.

Failing Is An Effective Teacher

Failure is the middle school teacher you hated but who also happened to be the one who taught you the most.

We need successes along the way to keep us motivated, but failure from time to time can be an awesome motivator and an enduring reminder of what not to do in the future.

If You Fall Get Back Up

For those who understand there is much to be learned from failing and are working every day to conquer your fears of failing, I applaud you and encourage you to keep at it.

Falling is scary, and depending on how high we are, the threat of falling can paralyze us or cause us to make poor decisions. Remember that sometimes the thought of falling can be more terrifying than the fall itself. Don’t let fear steal your courage.

If you’ve taken a big fall, try climbing small trees to boost your confidence and help keep you going forward until you can get back on the horse. With some practice and more confidence, you’ll soon be tackling the Red Woods again.

The Ground Level

For those who are so afraid of failure that you don’t climb trees, you must come to terms with the fact that you will never go higher than ground level.

To be clear, when it comes to self-improvement whether you stay at ground level or climb a thousand trees makes no difference to me. Just make sure that, if you do choose to stay at ground level, don’t stand under my tree and cast stones at my efforts. If my limb does break, it could very easily be you who cushions my fall.

I Have Not Abandoned My Blog

I have not abandoned my blog. It's been on a back burner, along with dozens of other writing projects I’m working on.

I did not make “blogging regularly” one of my New Year’s resolutions and, as a writer, I don’t feel bad for having not officially blogged in nearly four months.

I blog regularly, just not on my blog.

Since my last “official” blog entry I’ve written four feature stories for Vinyl, three product reviews for the BBB and the Dojo, over 20 stories about health and wellness, five scripts between Try New Things and MNN, a story about using a flint for Moose Tracks, two stories for the Mooseville Journal Record, and three Harmony CaPleur harmonica lessons.

After I squeeze in some weekly caption, poetry, contest, and blurb writing then toss in some lesson plans and assignments, it’s safe to say most of my days (and nights) are spent writing in some form or another.

What’s hard about writing for me is not the amount of time I spend doing it or how unbelievably difficult it is to create original, quality content on a regular basis. What’s hard about writing for me is that no matter how many pieces I finish, there’s always something else I want to write about.

This may be my last blog for a while. As much as I have sporadic thoughts and ideas about creativity and education, there is one project that’s been on my “to complete” list for far too long.

I’ve now posted something on my blog in 2014, signaling the end of yesteryear. Now it’s time to focus, young grasshopper, and may the odds be ever in my favor.

Ten (or so) things you shouldn't say in an interview

Job interviews can be stressful and uncomfortable for seasoned professionals. For those starting their careers, it can be downright painful. Whether it's the thought that you'll never find a job, the lack of confidence, or the professional outfit you rarely wear it's easy for newly-graduated candidates to get tripped up during an interview. To help you better prepare for an interview, here are ten (or so) things you shouldn't say when you're trying to land a job.

1. Tell me a little about yourself and why you want to work here.

When it comes to an interview don't be surprised if you're asked why you want to work for the organization. If you're lucky you're interviewing for your dream job, the one you've been preparing for your whole life. If Lady Luck is not on your side you're interviewing for a job, and the only reason you applied is because there was one available. Companies don't like to hear that they're sloppy seconds, and they certainly don't like to hire desperate people.

 

Research and preparation are the keys to handling most interview questions, and the ole "who are you and why do you want to work here" questions are no exception. Besides the collecting a paycheck motive, look at the company as a whole to decide why you want to work there. Look at their work, clients, products, philanthropy, and then pick one or two highlights to discuss with the interviewer.

2. What are your strengths?

This standard interview question is difficult for those entering the workforce to answer primarily because most new graduates feel like being able to communicate strengths is the equivalent to bragging. Some people may make the mistake of trying to downplay their strengths.

 

Knowing your strengths is important. You can use them to help excel in your career. Knowing your strengths is also important for your potential employer. It helps them gauge where you can contribute to their team. Try to remember that communicating your strengths isn't bragging if someone asks. Also try to remember that you shouldn't be embarrassed about your strengths just as long as they are true strengths and not just some bullshit you say in an interview.

3. What are your biggest weaknesses?

It's the yin to the yang. If you get the strengths question you're sure to get the weaknesses question, which is equally challenging to answer. You don't want to say anything that could besmirch your image, so instead many try to discount their weaknesses.

Although some people say it's a good idea to spin your weakness into a strength, I say be careful with that magic trick. It can come across as fake or seem like you're dodging the question, which is rarely a good idea in an interview. Instead, try to focus on the weaknesses you face in your career, and remember that weaknesses are good just as long as you can acknowledge them and work to improve.

4. Think about a conflict you had. Tell me about it and how did you handle the situation?

Telling stories in an interview can be awkward for many. Story time during an interview is a chance for you to say a whole lot of nothing, poorly. This is definitely one of those question you have to be prepared for otherwise you could look immature and unprepared.

I think what makes this question so difficult is we often feel the need to tell a story where we are the hero, where we handled ourselves in a mature and professional way and that everything worked out in the end. I got a fortune cookie fortune once that said, "He who never makes mistakes never did anything worthy." Sure the fortune had sexist language, but the principle is still sound. What's wrong with telling a story where you didn't do the right thing, where the result wasn't perfect? As long as you learned a lesson that you can apply to your work and life now, I see nothing wrong with telling a story about a time when you didn't do it right.

5. How do you feel about working in teams?

Many people think working in teams suck. If you're a recent graduate the only experience you've had working in teams is during group projects in class, which is precisely why you think working in teams suck. Whatever you do, don't let your potential employer know you are reluctant to be a team player.

Many jobs require teamwork. Avoid showing your personal feelings about group work by casting aside those personal feelings. Although working in teams has it drawbacks, it can also be a positive and productive experience. You shouldn't wait until you're in an interview to accept the inevitable fact that you will have to work in a team of some sort. Find a way to come to terms with it so that in an interview you don't come across sounding like a rogue splinter cell.

6. How will you contribute to our team?

This is partially a "have you done your research" question. When researching the company you should also research the people who work at the company or you could come across looking like a recent college grad scrambling to find a job.

To help answer this question, think of your strengths. Fall back on a few of your stronger attributes to help you out of this interview jam.

7. Do you have a problem working late hours or on the weekends?

This is a work ethic question. If you get this question don't be surprised. You're going to have to work; it's the reason you're interviewing for the job, but remember that you'll be the low person on the totem pole. You should expect to pay your dues or you could come across as being lazy and difficult.

8. Where do you see yourself in five years?

If you don't have a plan for your future you need one for no other reason than to give you something to say when you get asked this question in an interview.

It's hard to know where you're going to be in five days let alone five years. If you haven't thought about a five-year plan then you need to. Try keeping your goals centered around your career more than around your personal life, and try to keep in mind where you are in your career now and where you hope to be in the future. Chances are you won't land your dream job right out of the gate, but more than likely you have a dream job in mind. You don't have to be there in five years, but you should be thinking about the steps you need to take to get there, which will come in handy when answering interview questions that ask you to predict where you will be in the future.

9. Are you a Democrat?

Although these types of interview questions are unethical, even illegal, don't be surprised if you get them. If you aren't prepared for these, you can easily say the wrong thing or end up offending the interviewer.

Questions like "do you plan to get married," "do you want to have children," "what is your political preference," and a host of others can creep into the interview process. Some say you should never answer unethical or illegal questions. I say not answering can be just as offensive. As tactfully as you can, I recommend side-stepping the question. It's one of the few times in an interview that you can get away with avoiding a question.

Side-Stepping Example

10. Do you have any questions for me?

This is typically the last question for most interviews. There are tons of potential answers that can hurt you, but asking no questions can be equally damaging.

If you've done your research, answering this question is a breeze. All you have to do is ask a few questions that show your interest in the company, your ability to do research, and demonstrate your work ethic. Questions like, "What kind of person are you looking for to fill this position" and "What are your company's greatest needs at this time" are solid, end-of-interview questions that can help you stand out from the pack.

Research and Preparation

No matter what questions are thrown at you during an interview it's important to remember doing research and preparing ahead of time are critical steps to the process. It's the only way you'll be able to calmly and rationally present yourself in the best possible way to potential employers. 

Special thanks to Dr. Gary Steward, Dean for the College of Liberal Arts at University of Central Oklahoma. Regular thanks goes to Sonya B.